Note: Beneath this paragraph is a bunch of others that all spout various things about the Mario universe that you’re most likely going to find very confusing and disagree with. I know it’s common to believe that Bowser killed his father and, for some reason, named his son after him, but that, much like what is written here, is just a theory. Meaning: it can’t be proven or disproven. If you think about it, there are actually several different ways to see the Mario universe. This is just how I choose to see it. If you think I’m wrong, write your own timeline. Changing my mind won’t work. Trust me.

 

Double note: Just so you know, nowhere on here does it say that Mario and Princess Peach are brother and sister. I don’t know why people keep e-mailing me about this, but they do. Also, if there is a game I’ve left out, I think it’d be safe to assume that it was either another one of those dream sequences like in #8 and #26, or that you’re imaginative enough to figure it out on your own. Remember: don’t get mad at me for writing something so bizarre. Just enjoy the timeline. You might as well get your notepad out while you’re at it; you know, ‘cause it helps to pay close attention. What say we go ahead and see just exactly how it all fits together, hm?

 

Now, you may think that the games actually do go in the order that they were released in, but really, they don't. Stuff like Princess Daisy and Bowser having an eighth koopaling would be the kind of stuff that tends to seriously make us wonder. And so, after much thought and much consideration, I've managed to place the games in this eccentric order:

 

1)    Yoshi's Island

2)    Yoshi's Story

3)    Mario Bros.

4)    Super Mario Bros.

5)    Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels

6)    Luigi's Mansion

7)    Super Mario Sunshine

8)    Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong Junior, Donkey Kong Three, and Wrecking Crew

9)    Super Mario Bros. 3, Donkey Kong Country/Land, and Wario's Woods

10)                        Super Mario World, Donkey Kong Country/Land 2, and Wario's Woods

11)                        Yoshi's Safari, Donkey Kong Country/Land 3, and Wario's Woods

12)                        Mario and Luigi

13)                        Paper Mario

14)                        Super Mario 64 and Donkey Kong 64

15)                        Super Mario RPG

16)                        Super Mario Land

17)                        Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins

18)                        Super Mario Land 3: Wario Land

19)                        Wario Land 2

20)                        Wario Land 3

21)                        Dr. Mario 64

22)                        Wario Land 4

23)                        Wario World

24)                        Wario Ware Inc.

25)                        Super Mario Bros. 2

26)                        Mario's Time Machine, Mario Is Missing, Wario Land VB, and Mario Clash

27)                        Diddy Kong Racing, Mario Kart, Mario Kart: 64, Mario Kart: SC, Mario Kart: DD, Mario's Dream Tennis, Mario Tennis, Mario Golf, Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour, and Mario Parties 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5

 

No doubt, by now, some major questions have popped into your head; questions like, "Why would WWo occur three times in a row?", and, "Why would DK, DKJ, DK3, and WC go on one time-slot?" Well, not to worry; for, in the next good number of paragraphs, I'm going to be spending my time explaining why all those things would be.

 

#1 YI

Ah, yes; YI. The game that started it all. Now, while that game began with the stork flying across the pre-dawn sky with two babies in his bill as he was on his way to deliver them to the front-step of their parents, my timeline will start a little while before that. Or, more specifically, it shall start with that one country we had to journey through in SML2SGC, Mario Land.

 

Mario Land has always had a lot to boast of, from the great Tree of Life, to the house of Mac Rozone, to the very castle itself. Of course, like a lot of countries do on the planet, Plit, Mario Land was rounded out with a castle and a royal family. Another thing you should know is how in the Mario universe, various characters tend to share last names even though they are obviously not related to each other. You know, like Kammy Koopa and Bowser Koopa, and Diddy Kong and Dixie Kong. You should also remember how that people from one particular race tend to all look alike in the eyes of a member from a different race. This would all add to the many confusing aspects the Mario universe has to offer. Mario Land was no exception to these rules, of course. It's always been populated by these humans that have strong legs, brown curly hair, and blue eyes. They also have these strange, Italian accents that they are born with permanently.  Their King and Queen, of course, also had these physical traits. They also had "Mario" for a last name.

 

Another thing you should know would be this one one about royal viziers: Every family has one. For the Beanbean Kingdom, it's Lady Lima, for the Mushroom Kingdom, it's the Chancellor, and for Mario Land, it was this one guy named Dr. Kamenstein.

 

Now, about Dr. Kamenstein: His species is what I like to call a "madscikoopa". They're like ma-gi-koopas, but specialize in mad science rather than black magic. Clever, huh?

 

Anyway, there was this one other servant they had on their hands; his name was Foreman Spike. Now, the two of them didn't always get along. In fact, they hated each other. But one time, the Foreman took his mischief a little bit too far and so winded up getting the Doctor banished from their kingdom. Foreman Spike became the new royal advisor, and Dr. Kamenstein became a resident of the nearby Sarasa Land, plotting revenge.

 

Like the Mario and Princess Peach of today do, the King and Queen of Mario Land also liked to frequently embark on vacations. But we all know all those vacations always go awry. This time, they decided their next stop would be in the Mushroom Kingdom. There, they even had their very own little mushroom house to call their own home away from home. While they were gone, Foreman Spike was to keep an eye on things back in their homeland. Once they got there, however, the Queen's contractions started up, and TAH-DAHH!, the Mario Bros., Princes Mario Mario and Luigi Mario, were born. At last they were one happy family.

 

Once Dr. Kamenstein caught wind of this over in Sarasa Land, though, he couldn't help but come up with the perfect way to take advantage of his opportunity for revenge. He sent his latest creation, the Stork 64, to go over to their house one night so he could kidnap them. At this, the stork was quite successful. The only evidence he managed to leave behind that seemed to point to the fact that, during the night, the two boys were kidnapped were two empty cribs, and maybe a few feathers. At first, the sight of his stork arriving with the proper thefts seemed to bring only joy to the madscikoopa, but alas, there's practically some good in every villain in the Mario universe, so Dr. Kamenstein couldn't help but become taken over by second thoughts. In the end, he decided to compromise by merely "borrowing" a sample of blood from both the babies for his next experiment, and then they'd be free to go.

 

The stork was in a hurry; the sun was already rising! He would have made it, too, if it hadn't have been for Kamek, the ma-gi-koopa. Now about Kamek: Back then, he was the royal advisor of what was, back then, known as the Koopa Kingdom. Back then, the royal family was composed of two parents, Gorroh and Helga (don't ask), and one prince, Bowser. They all looked after each other. Kamek made all kinds of contributions, which were majorly beneficial given the fact that he's always been an incredibly talented wizard. One of the many abilities he starred was one that allowed him to see into the future. One night, he had a vision that told him that, in the future, the Koopa Clan would eventually get ruined by a pair of super plumbers donned in red and green. He also knew that the baby-versions of them just happened to be flying around somewhere out there. He then hopped onto his broomstick and sped off to alter history. Worlds collided, that fateful night. Kamek succeeded in kidnapping Luigi, but the other one fell to the island below, which he didn't realize until he returned to his lair.

 

While the Mario Parents were being distraught over the disappearance of their two new children, the Yoshies of that one particular island were having troubles of their own. This baby from nowhere had baffled them all. They had no clue what to do with him until Mario then hopped right back into the saddle of Yoshi and started to point in one direction. Apparently, through some psychic link, the baby knew where he was supposed to go. So Yoshi and his seven friends formed a relay system and began their journey through Yoshi's Island, unaware of the dangers that lied in wait for them and the toadies that were on their tails.

 

See, once Kamek found out he had made a vital mistake in the kidnapping process, he sent all of his minions to go out there and look for the other baby. It wasn't going to be an easy task for either of the two sides of the story. He needed those babies alive. But his intention was not necessarily to have the Mario Bros. killed, but to have them raised by the side of the young, Master Bowser. That way, they'd have had three extremely powerful people on their side in the future.

 

Occasionally, Kamek would have butted in to cause even more trouble for our heroes, but it moved the story along. While mayhem was going on over on Yoshi's Island, miracles were being worked over in Sarasa Land. Dr. Kamenstein had done it: He had created the perfect fighters from the DNA he got from the Mario Bros.! With it, he created two clones of the originals, but he didn't do it without adding some modifications first, of course. They would have been exact replicas of Mario and Luigi, but Kamenstein gave them each stronger senses of sight, smelling, hearing, and even tasting. So the two boys would not have been perfectly alike, he gave one of them superior arm strength, while the other one was given massive leg power. Which would all explain why the deadly duo have always been such a freaky-looking pair. He named them each after both their prototypes and a word from a dead language: "Wa" meaning "new and improved". You guessed it: He created the "Kamenstein Bros.", Wario and Waluigi!!!

 

Anyway, to make a long story short, I'll just say that, in the end, the Yoshies saved the day and proved that eight heads are better than seven. On the way back, the stork decided the best approach was to leave the twins on the doorstep of their parents' house, so they would have showed up as mysteriously as they did when they disappeared. Another chapter was completed. The overjoyed Mario Parents decided they could return home in triumph the following day.

 

#2 YSt

For a lot of reasons, this game was the sequel to YI. Once they returned, the King and the Queen threw a party at their castle revolving around the births of their nation’s two new princes, Mario and Luigi. A lot of guests showed up bringing with them various toys and gifts. But two guests showed up, uninvited, to deliver, not a gift, but a curse. Bad guys always swear revenge and Kamek and Bowser crashed the party with those thoughts in mind. Kamek grabbed everyone's attention so he could tell them all about the horrid vision he just had. Once he was finished providing them with his explanation, he then, of course, demanded that the Mario Parents hand over their two children for a better and brighter future. Not surprisingly, they refused. Resistance has always had its downside, so hell broke loose. In the end, Kamek managed to correct his earlier mistake by, this time, actually succeeding in kidnapping both of the brothers, and Bowser made it his time to shine in succeeding at attempting to steal the Queen's magic hair-tie, a plot device that shall come into play later in our story.

 

The two villains left, and the battle was over, but not the war. The parents sent their top minion, Foreman Spike, to go and retrieve them. It was a rough journey for both him and a Yoshi named Xoshi.

 

Xoshi was the brown one that accompanied Yoshi in the previous game. He somehow managed to get elected by the Star Spirits for a job that would involve him granting one magic wand to each of the seven kings, thus proving the Divine Right-theory. Along the way, both Xoshi and Foreman Spike came across many hardships on their paths. They befriended many people and came to befoe many others. Along the way, Foreman Spike got to join forces with a young, female magikoopa named Kammy. She was a great asset to the team thanks to the powers she possessed similar to those of Kamek. Xoshi, on the other hand, got himself tangled up in a situation different, but just as dire as the one the gods gave him: He eventually became the only one that could handle a space alien that was then on the loose: A big, purple conqueror, named Tito.

 

About Tito: Tito came from a line of familymembers that possessed both powers over mind-control and the land of dreams, Sub-con. In order to gain world domination, his plan was to abduct all of the most powerful people living on the planet, Plit. He would then send each of them into deep sleeps. In those sleeps, the victims would have been forced to survive these nightmares, based on past personal experiences. They would have to fight some sort of demon to the death. If they lost, then they would wake up as slaves to Tito's hypnotic power. But if they won, then a wrench would have been thrown in the gears of Tito's plans. So that was quite the battle that occurred near the end of Xoshi's journey.

 

Foreman Spike's journey, however, didn't end so well. Sure, in time, he did make it to the lair of Kamek and young, Master Bowser. But that time, Kamek's rantings and ravings woke Bowser up in such a fashion that got him so mad, he then decided to take his tantrums up a notch. Using the powers of his newfound hair-tie, he opened up a portal in the space-time continuum. It sucked in, not just Mario, Luigi, and Foreman Spike, but also Gorroh, Helga, and these two apes that, for some reason, were also kidnapped by Kamek. The treacherous Kammy, though, chose to stay behind in order to help out with Bowser's NWO. Ever since, the Koopa Kingdom has been known as Dark Land, and Bowser has been the king of that realm.

 

Since it was such a magic portal that the characters were sucked into, they each wound up in fairly respective locations. Mario and Luigi landed in Italy where their accents would have fit in perfectly. Whoever those two apes were, they wound up in some jungle in Africa. The Koopa Parents, though, wound up on the planet furthest away from Plit's sun. A place with a moon called Sub-con, which I mentioned earlier. This would probably explain how such Plitian creatures like Shy Guys and Birdos were able to make it there in SMB2. Foreman Spike wound up in Brooklyn, New York where his memories of Mario Land, etc., became replaced by thoughts of pure evil (uh-oh). And Kamek wound up in the Beanbean Kingdom where his thoughts became replaced by memories of hypnosis. How did all of this come to be resolved? I'll get to that.

 

Bowser's first move was to take revenge out upon the Yoshies for what had happened earlier by using his magic hair-tie to transform their island into a story book. The only Yoshies that weren't affected by the spell were Xoshi's blessed six children. It was they who eventually thwarted Bowser, took back their Super-Happy Tree, and made sure he would never cause any more trouble with a hair-tie again. Ever since, Bowser has been without a ponytail, and the magic has been left to Kammy.

 

#3 MB

Since there's quite a gap between #2 and #3, it is safe to say that a lot of things happened: The Mario Bros. moved to America where dreams come true, Kamek became all the rage in Little Fungi Town, the Kamenstein Bros. gained immortality, Tito got himself a son named Tatanga, the two apes got two children of their own, and the Mario Parents got themselves a third son named Donatello to replace the other two, since they obviously weren't ever going to return (how sad). Yeah, that's a lot.

 

Anyway, once the Mario Bros. got themselves in New York, they got themselves some jobs. Mario became a carpenter with a girlfriend named Pauline, and Luigi became a member of the Wrecking Crew with a boss named Foreman Spike. Neither job turned out. Mario was attacked by two apes: A father and a son. Luigi was attacked by his own boss, for who-knows-what reasons. So in time, they both quit. Also, Pauline ended up dumping Mario for another man named Stanley, whoever he was.

 

Apparently, neither of the two occurrences were a coincidence, and what exactly the deal was with that was eventually going to get solved by the two brothers. They then started up a family-run plumbing business called "Mario Bros.". Eventually, they got for themselves the job of all jobs: They were to make it to the heart of the sewer-system beneath the city and find out what causes crazy things like Fighter Flies and Spinies. Eventually, they did, and it, within a few moments, came to erupt into one huge, long fight between the Mario Bros. and the monsters of the sewers. Each round was worse than the last. Just when things started to look hopeless for the brothers, they were then rescued by four silhouettes. With their brawny builds, they were able to unstoppably pummel all of the monsters into oblivion. Once that was over with, they then lumbered their ways over to the special pipe, signaled for the Mario Bros. to follow, and before they knew it, all was revealed.

 

The next environment took place in some sort of dungeon. In it, there was this one huge, crazy machine, producing and conveyor-belting hordes of monsters for those four pipes to transport. It was being exercise-biked to life by none other than Foreman Spike, and it turned out that their saviors were Cranky Kong, Wrinkly Kong, Donkey Kong, and Swanky Kong. Even though this was much to the utter confusion of the Mario Bros., they had much work to do. The gorillas spent their time destroying the machine while the brothers spent their time taking care of Foreman Spike. Ever since, there have been no monsters polluting the sewers of Earth, and there has been no more Foreman Spike. Everything really became explained a little while later. The six heroes' next move was to free the prisoners. Foreman Spike, for whatever other crazy reason, had, in his possession, two innocent people from the realm they were then in: Princess Peach Toadstool, and Kinopio Toad. The two of them thanked their cavalries and invited them to their castle so things could have gotten explained at last.

 

Friends were made. It turned out that the six heroes were no longer even on the planet, Earth, anymore, but rather on a completely different one called Plit. Or more specifically, they were then in a country called the Mushroom Kingdom. That royal castle belonged to the princess's mother, since her father was no longer among them, and Toad was one of the seven retainers. The others were the Chancellor from SMRPG, and that one five-some from SMS. The gorillas explained how they were from another country called Donkey Kong Island. One day, they were kidnapped by a magikoopa in a blue robe for reasons that have remained unknown to them to this day. Over the years, they got themselves two sons named Donkey Kong and Swanky Kong. They also got themselves kidnapped, once again, by a different, yet strangely familiar person: Foreman Spike. One conclusion they knew they could reach through that one story was that it all connected back to that one fateful day with the space-time continuum incident. Foreman Spike's moves were all clouded through deceitful masses of evil thoughts, and it was too late to set him right. So some mysteries will never be solved.

 

They also discussed how the reason why Cranky Kong and Donkey Kong were to mess up Mario and Pauline's plans with the unfinished building dealt with the way the Foreman put them up to it; they didn't have a choice. Escaping from the zoo, saving everyone's lives and everything was their way of compensating for all the horrible things that came to pass. Mario and Luigi, being the good guys that they've always been, thanked them for their deeds, and accepted their apologies. Friends were made.

 

Well, the Mario Bros. were just about to thank everyone for a good time and everything so they could have been heading on home, but...

 

#4 SMB

...that was when Bowser burst into the room with his vizier, Kammy, to ruin the day. He kidnapped the Princess, and had his sorceress transform all seven of the Mushroom Retainers into a set of cards (sound familiar?). At the moment, the remaining six didn't have much else to do but fail to fight back. A little while later, the six of them decided their work, unfortunately, was still not quite over, so they were to go on another huge journey.

 

This was the first time the Mario Bros. ever got to rescue Princess Peach from Bowser in an adventure taking place in the Mushroom Kingdom. Since it was a 2P-game, and not a 6P-game, the Kongs were not playable characters, even though they made it a whole lot easier on the brothers. After defeating seven Duplighosts passing themselves off as Bowser Look-alikes and rescuing a retainer from each one, the heroes eventually made their ways to the end of Bowser's castle where the true princess lied in wait. It was a fierce battle, but all's well that ends well. In the end, Peach used her magic powers to return everything to the way it was supposed to be and she granted a reward to her saviors. The Kongs got to return to their homeland, Donkey Kong Island, but Mario and Luigi chose to stay behind. There was just something way too peculiar about that one story with the portal and the magikoopa that urged them to wait until they solved this mystery.

 

#5 SMBTLL

Bowser's next move didn't occur until a little while after the other one did. Since it wasn't too long of a period of time, what he did on this one occasion wasn't much different from what had come to pass previously. All that really happened was that the adventure was loaded with way more traps, enemies, poison mushrooms, etc., and Mario and Luigi were to embark on the adventure alone without the assistance of the Kongs. So, yeah, it was hard.

 

After getting defeated by the Mario Bros. twice in a row, desperation quickly took Bowser over. He then decided to take his evil plans up a few notches by employing his son, Bowser Jr.. Bowser Jr. knew exactly what to do; or should I say, he knew someone else who knew exactly what to do. While Bowser had Kammy for a top minion, Bowser Jr. had a ghost named King Boo. And boy, did King Boo have something up his sleeve.

 

#6 LM

King Boo's plan involved a huge, fancy, but fake mansion, and a strange, old man in a white coat. His plans were thwarted, however, by Luigi and Prof. E. Gadd. In the end, Luigi got rewarded for his deeds, big time. Prof. E. Gadd repaid him by buying a "mansion" for him and his twin to reside in. Mario repaid him by taking him to the casino of the one and only, Eccen T. (the "T" stands for "Tric"). Who was this Eccen T.-guy, you ask?

 

Before it was Grate Guy's Casino, it was Eccen T.'s casino. Back then, it had way more to offer. It had everything from sideways slot machines to match-card games. What it wasn't supposed to have, though, was a bunch of portals leading to other dimensions and a bunch of ghosts polluting it. Bowser Jr. and King Boo were at it again! In the beginning, Luigi made a few attempts at setting things right, but in the end he would always have a near-death experience resulting in him getting his hide rescued by one of his friends. Since they turned out to be Mario, Peach, Toadsworth, and the Toads, Luigi decided it would be best to kill two birds with one stone: Not only would he get rid of all the ghosts haunting the casino, but he would also collect 120 chips in the process, thus allowing his eight friends to go on a free trip to Isle Delfino. The games began.

 

It was another difficult task. It all boiled down to the big fight between Luigi and his old enemy, King Boo. They fought in the basement of the building, where King Boo had on him a special device that raises power. He used it to significantly improve his appearance and abilities. It wasn't enough to stop Luigi, though.

 

Since Luigi won, everybody won. The good guys got to go on that one vacation, Luigi was voluntarily left behind, and both Bowser and his son became devoured by desperation and frustration. They decided they would play "no more games" and "get down to business". Since King Boo failed Bowser Jr. twice in a row, the ghost was demoted from final boss to regular boss. The Isle Delfino-incident began.

 

#7 SMS

This time, Mario was framed by Bowser Jr. in disguise. So his job was to join forces with a strange pump named F.L.U.D.D. (Flash Liquidizer Ultra Dousing Device), and get back all the Shine Sprites that had mysteriously vanished. Along the way, he bumped into a little man in a purple Pianta costume, and their old "friend", King Boo. Once again, the specter was invading a casino. Mario took care of him, Petey Piranha, Gooper Blooper, Eely, and the Wiggler. So for some time, the five of them were trapped in some alternate realm or another.

 

This game proved that, even though the whole time Bowser had a son on him, it didn't mean he knew who his mother was. Another one of the many things that has been puzzling us over the years would be where the Seven Koopalings came from, and where did they go. But the real question is, who was their mother? And how does this Bowser Jr.-guy tie in? Well, in order to answer those crazy questions, I'm going to have to bring up the movie (yeah, I know; shudder). One of the many things about it that bugged everyone was how, in it, Bowser was a human. But then again, so was his wife, Lena. However, according to the cartoon show, Bowser eventually married a woman named Clawdia. Plus, he's always kidnapping Princess Peach, right? For this next part, I'll have to bring up another woman: Valentina. What did they all have in common? They were all beautiful, young, human women, and they each played a vital role in Bowser's love-life. Lena came first. For some reason, she wasn't around to witness the hatching of their first-born, Bowser Jr.. But in time, she did return. That would explain why Bowser Jr. didn't know who she was.

 

Once the Delfino-incident was all straightened out, Bowser and his son then took themselves into formulating yet another vile plan. It probably would have fallen through if Lena hadn't have shown up out of nowhere to ruin everything. The relationship wasn't meant to be. The two of them saw each other in court, and Lena won. Ever since, Bowser Jr. has been living with his mother, and neither of the two of them have been allowed to come even within fifty feet of the Koopa King. This was all quite the devastating loss for Bowser, so when the trial was over, he decided to go and drown his sorrows at a certain bar. There, he met a prostitute named Valentina. It was she that gave birth to Bowser's second batch, the Seven Koopalings. She would be the reason behind why Roy would be pink and bald, why Wendy would be such a spoiled brat, why Lemmy likes the cold so much, why Ludwig enjoys classical music, and a bunch of other things as well.

 

While the seven eggs were being watched over by Kammy, the good guys, once again were having troubles of their own. They returned to the Mushroom Kingdom just to get abducted by Tito and his son, Tatanga. So it was up to Luigi to hunt them down and get back his friends.

 

#8 DK, DKJ, DK3, and WC

What happened before Tito could make his way to Mario and his friends was an adventure revolving around Il Piantissimo, the Gaddbrush, and the Sand Bird. He, too, had a run-in with the alien. While Luigi was trying to make his way to the spaceship, the characters were having nightmares: Mario dreamed he was some sort of poacher and his arch-nemesis was the son of Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong Jr.. Cranky Kong and the other three were there too; he dreamed he was trying to terrorize the green-house of this one loser, so all kinds of crazy things were going on within the sub-consciouses of our heroes. Once Luigi got to him, though, there was insanity everywhere, the good guys were returned to normal, and Tito fled, once again, to lick his wounds. That's right: Luigi saved the day.

 

The reign of peace that followed, though, didn't last long enough for any of them to enjoy it. Bowser and Kammy returned. This time, they had on their side the deadliest group of seven that have ever come into the Mario universe: The Seven Koopalings!!!

 

#9 SMB3, DKC/L, and WWo

Bunches of crazy things were going on simultaneously at that moment: Not only were the Koopas up to no good again, but also Donkey Kong Island was in great peril, and so was the Forest Maze. Peach managed to get everything straightened out by having Mario, Luigi, and Eccen T. take care of the Seven Koopalings, Cranky Kong and his family take care of King K. Rool, and Toad take care of Wario and his brother, Waluigi. That's right: Walugi was there too.

 

See, although we were never lucky enough to ever get to see Waluigi in his true form, really, he's always been there for us. Or should I say, he's always been there for Wario? But really, Waluigi has always been the man with the plan. Their father, Dr. Kamenstein, did as good a job as any parent could have raising the two of them. Wario grew up to be a man with an incurable passion for money, while Waluigi has always desired power. This time, Waluigi decided they could gain world domination through an endless supply of bombs and monsters hidden somewhere in the woods. He would always let Wario do most of the work, because he's always been the one with the gigantic muscles and the intellect for money-grubbing schemes. Waluigi would always try to make it look as though, between the two of them, Wario was the leader. That way, things still wouldn't cease even if Wario got killed (but what am I saying? Wario can't die). Really, both Toad and the Kamenstein Bros. worked incredibly hard against each other in that one game. It all ended with the Seven Koopalings and King K. Rool getting defeated, but Toad still had some work to do. So he didn't get to come with on that one vacation to Dinosaur Land.

 

#10 SMW, DKC/L2, and WWo

This was another significant occasion for the lives of the Mario Bros.. At last, they were reunited with their old friend, Yoshi, and were finally filled in on even more details of their past. Yet something still remained missing.

 

While the three of them were taking care of Bowser and the Seven Koopalings for the second time, King K. Rool was being dealt with for the second time ever also, and so were Wario and Waluigi.

 

#11 YSa, DKC/L3, and WWo

This was the final installment of the trilogy between the Seven Koopalings, King K. Rool, and the Kamenstein Bros.. This time, it all had something to do with Jewelry Land, Dixie Kong, Kiddy Kong, and a false Wario. Once it was all over, Wario and Waluigi were forced to retreat, and the Koopalings were forced to go back to their rooms and feel bad about they just did. The next adventure that ensued was between Mario, Luigi, Bowser, Princess Peach's voice, and a horrible witch named Cackletta. It seems they always have their hands full no matter what.

 

#12 ML

Finally, that Beanbean Kingdom, that I kept mentioning earlier, came into play. The Beanbean Kingdom has always cherished their legendary treasure, the Bean Star, a device, like the Star Rod, capable of making any wish come true, no matter how good or how evil. But in order to activate it, Cackletta required the voice of someone who was both pure at heart and pure at singing. So Princess Peach got elected. The ordeal got Bowser to join forces with the Mario Bros. in an insane adventure over in a different country.

 

Along the way, they met all kinds of strange people and duos, including a shadow thief named Popple, a strange, old man in a white coat named Gadd, and an odd, hypnotic magikoopa named Kamek. But don't worry; it all went over quite well. In the end, Mario learned how to cast fireball-type spells without flowers, Luigi learned how to do the same thing with thunder balls, and Bowser learned of a little something called the Star Rod, which I mentioned previously. Him and Kammy began their journeys.

 

#13 PM

When I first started working on this timeline, I knew in what order games #1-5 and #14-27 went in, but I couldn't figure out all the in-between ones. So I decided to start by lamely placing the games in the order that they went in. My first guess was to make SMB3 the sixth one, but that would have hurt a lot of my theories. After giving it all a good number of thoughts, PM in the end was the only one that didn't move. So it is indeed the prequel to SM64. Despite everything, I still managed to come up with a good number of reasons behind why I would want to place this one here anyway.

 

First off, I thought Jr. Troopa left a good few loose ends. I also liked how this game would explain the whole things behind BP and Peach being able to bake a good cake. Between #13 and #14, Peach went on an adventure of her own against the dreaded Jr. Troopa (that guy just does not know when to give up!). This time, he gained so much power, only Peach knew what to do, what with being his kidnappee and all. The ordeals and things it got the various characters thrown into all resulted in the creation of the 15 worlds, a bed-ridden Luigi, a dead Jr. Troopa, and a braver, stronger Princess Peach. You'll notice how her personality evolves throughout this timeline.

 

#14 SM64 and DK64

You can't do much when you're at home sick. So Luigi couldn't come this time to assist Mario on his next biggest mission.

 

Bowser goes through these phases, see. Phases where he tends to use the same plan over and over again. He went through that one kidnap-the-Seven-Retainers phase, that one use-Bowser-Jr. phase, and that one use-the-Seven-Koopalings phase. This time, he was going through his gain-control-over-Princess-Peach's-castle phase. But it didn't end well.

 

While Mario was journeying through the 15 worlds of the castle, Luigi was journeying through his own sub-conscious, and DK and friends were journeying through the castle of King K. Rool, yet again.

 

#15 SMRPG

Since Bowser ran out of phases, he then decided to get started on a new one: The get-it-done-and-over-with-already-as-soon-as-possible phase. One of the many reasons behind why I put the games in this order has something to do with the relationship between Mario and Princess Peach; it's obviously more than just friendship. I figured in order to make it that much more even, Peach would have had to have invited Mario over first, then the other way around. One of the many things that SMRPG was was the completion of that pattern.

 

Even simple visitations cannot ever go well enough for our heroes. For you see, it wasn't just the Princess he heard cry for help, but Luigi as well. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but in the end, he decided Luigi was Luigi, he could take care of himself, Peach, couldn't, so his journey began.

 

Another thing that PM proved was that Bowser is capable of making his castle appear anywhere on the map, and that Dark Land is underground. Since this time, his "Keep" was so close, it could have been one short adventure. Boy, was it ever not.

 

Noone's ever really figured this out before, but it was all one big, fat moment for Kammy, the Seven Koopalings, Luigi, Tito, and a bunch of other characters as well. In that game, the second time Mario ever went through "Bowser's Keep", it was a whole lot longer. It forced him to pick between six doors, and two versions of the same room. The game didn't let us in on this part since that's just the way Nintendo tends to be on us, but really, it wasn't any longer the second time than it was the first time. Only that time, Mario had to go through all six of the doors instead of just four. At the end of each one was the room with the Koopaling in it. Behind each of them was a treasure chest with a certain badge in it. Previously, Bowser had given one to each of his children. These were badges that required a certain number of BP to allocate, and Mario didn't gain enough in PM, so of course, he wasn't able to use them at first when he first got them. They included the Ultra Jump Badge, the Ultra Flame Badge, the Snowy Badge, the Star Rain Badge, the Geno Flash Badge, the Mute Badge, and the Psyche Bomb Badge (sound familiar, again?). After getting the first six, Mario then made his way into that one room which was later to become the one of a nameless magikoopa. There, he fought the seventh and final koopaling in a certain order, and he got the last badge; they were sure to come in handy later. Really, the room where he fought Boomer and the one where he fought Bowser were one and the same. That would explain why the characters were flung extra hard when Exor hit, since it was directly above them. Really, really, it wasn't just Bowser, Peach, and Mario that got thrown from the impact, but Kammy and the Seven Koopalings as well. But they were flung so hard, they were nowhere to be found throughout the game. And that, my friends, was when the Koopalings really disappeared.

 

It all resulted in one complicated journey for our heroes. While Bowser was trying to get his castle back, Luigi was trying to escape the clutches of Tito, the conqueror and solve a whole bunch of mysteries. His travels took him to a country filled with dozens upon dozens of various race-tracks, tennis courts, and golf fields, etc.. They got him to meet only the wildest of different people like Harry, Charlie, Maple, Plum, Sonny, Koopa Troopa, Para Troopa, Shy Guy, Birdo, Donkey Kong Jr., Metal Mario, and even Donatello (whoa).

 

In the big finale, tons of things happened: Through teamwork, Mario, Mallow, Geno, Peach, and Bowser were able to destroy Smithy and break his giant sword, Exor, into a million pieces. "Geno" returned to his homeland, and so did Mallow. Bowser got his castle back, got the repairs started, and began searching for his female magikoopa and children like he was supposed to. Also, finally, Peach and Mario got married. But the fun didn't stop there: Luigi returned just in time to lead the parade and tell everyone that Tito was finally dead and that the mystery behind the pasts of him and Mario was finally revealed.

 

#16 SML

Afterwards, Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Peach made their ways on over to the birthplace that Luigi spoke of. Yet another welcoming party was thrown for the land's former princes. It was quite a reunion. The Mario Bros.' long lost third brother, Donatello, also introduced to them his wife and two children. Coincidentally, they looked a lot like Mario and Luigi did, back then.

 

Everything was going great. That is, everything was going great until, once again, the whole place started shaking. Yes, it was Exor, but no, it wasn't the Smithy Gang; it was the Kamenstein Bros.. What's up with that?

 

Once Waluigi gained knowledge of Exor breaking up into a million pieces, him and his brother got to work. Their travels took them to Booster Land, Marrymore, Land's End, and Monstro Town. In the end they managed to put the monster back together and rename it, "The Return of Exor". They used the powerful weapon to invade Mario Land and kick everyone off. This time, the blast was extra, super powerful. Mario landed in some dome in Sarasa Land, Luigi landed in E. Gadd's lab where yet another job lied in wait for him, Toad landed in the woods where Para Troopa was causing trouble, and Peach landed on Kitchen Island, where she met Captain Syrup and the "White Sugar Pirates", which would probably explain why they had a statue of her in the first place.

 

Over in Sarasa Land, Mario became up-to-date on all of the recent occurrences. He did so by way of Dr. Kamenstein, the man who was living in that dome. He also told Mario the rest of the story. So finally, they had figured it out. All Mario needed to do then was borrow Kamenstein's inventions, the Sub-Pop and the Sky-Pop, which were lent to him, so he could go out there and take care of "The Sort-Of-Return-Of-Tito-His-Son-Tatanga". But it was more complex than that.

 

When Luigi killed Tito in SMRPG, everything was left in the hands of Tatanga. With his right-hand man, Wart, he invaded the sanctuary of "Sub-Haven", stole their five revered pendants, and trapped all eight of the Sub-Spirits within the corked-up vase. The black one he gave to Wart, the red one he gave to King Totomesu, the yellow one he gave to Hiyoihoi, the green one he gave to Biokinton, and the blue one he gave to Dragonzamasu. So Mario managed to kill Tatanga in the end and return extra triumphantly to Mario Land with some souvenirs (not counting the black one, of course). The citizens of Sarasa Land all wished to thank Mario for his wonderful deeds. But all he really required was a rocket-ship ride back to Mario Land. The King offered Mario his daughter, Princess Daisy's hand in marriage, but he turned it down since he was already married; he did have a twin brother that might have been interested, though.

 

So the three good guys that returned included Mario, Luigi, and the newly recruited Princess Daisy. Toad and Peach still had matters to take care of, though.

 

#17 SML2SGC

Princess Daisy left it up to the Mario Bros. to handle the crisis behind the Six Golden Coins, and whatnot. Really, they could have approached the castle whenever they would have wanted to, but then Exor would have stopped them in their tracks to tell them they had only so much left to do. Once that was all taken care of, they made their ways to the final rooms where their evil counterparts awaited. That's right: Both Luigi and Waluigi were there too. But once again, Waluigi was hidden, and the thing was that back then, they still hadn't developed a separate sprite for Luigi, and the game was in black-and-white. So that was a little confusing.

 

In the end, the good guys won, and the Kamenstein Guys were kicked out. Toad managed to return from Para Troopa, Peach came back from her adventure against the "Tan Sugar Pirates", Mario got Peach, and Luigi got Daisy.

 

Elsewhere, things weren't looking anywhere near as cheery for the Kamenstein Bros.. At first, they tried drowning their sorrows at the bar, but it didn't work that time like it always did. That time, was the last straw. They always lost. Wario had finally gotten himself fed up with Waluigi's series of stupid plans, and Waluigi had had just about enough of Wario's insubordination. So, they decided to have a little wager: By the next full moon, one of them was going to have an even bigger, better country than the other with a nice, fancy castle to boot. Whoever lost the bet, would have been forced to become the permanent slave of the other. Then they would have truly proven to one another who was the more independent Kamenstein Brother.

 

Also, Mario managed to distribute one souvenir from Sarasa Land to the each of them. Mario got the red pendent, Luigi got the green pendent, Toad got the blue pendent, and Peach got the yellow pendent. They shall be even more plot devices to come into play later.

 

#18 SML3WL

Wario kicked off his end of the bargain by paying a visit to Kitchen Island. See, whenever Captain Syrup gets her troops killed off, she would just go to her hidden cave and bring them each back to life, only in stronger forms and different colors. This time, they were the "Brown Sugar Pirates". It didn't really matter how tough they were at the time. Wario kicked them all off, and got himself a genie to grant him his wish: A country named after him with a castle to boot. Lo and behold, that's just what he got. But little did he know that Captain Syrup had yet to return.

 

Meanwhile, Waluigi was going on a similar adventure involving gangs, kings, queens, and armies of the living dead. Believe it or not, he was on the right track.

 

#19 WL2

Once again, Captain Syrup brought back to life her minions. This time, they reached the peaks of their evolution; they were the "Black Sugar Pirates". It was one long, crazy adventure that just kept taking one twist and turn after the other. But in the end, Wario did manage to succeed in taking his revenge out on the woman and getting back all of his treasure and then some.

 

#20 WL3

This time, Wario took his travels to the skies. While doing some barrel rolls in the air with his well-known airplane, the engines started acting up, and down he went. He ended up crash-landing on an uncharted island. Wario, being the invincible man that he always has been, managed to merely climb out the wreckage without even a scratch on him. Muttering about his miserable luck, he set off in search of a repair shop for his plane, or at least some form of shelter or another in order to protect him from the rain. Upon searching, he came across a mysterious cave. Inside, there was an altar. On that altar, there was a music box. Curiosity getting to him, he decided to give it a few good turns. But no music came out. He wasn't even allowed to complete the sentence that arose from him out of confusion. Before he knew it, he was less than a millimeter tall and trapped within the realm of the music box. This all became clear to him once he was greeted by a big, stone face in the wall. It told him all about how it used to be the god of the music-box world, but then an evil army came by and sealed his powers away into five separate other music boxes which have been hidden throughout the land ever since. The only reason why Wario was willing to do it was because the ex-god said he was free to take any treasure he managed to find along the way. With all that said and done, Wario then began yet another journey of demon-slaying and treasure-hunting.

 

Along the way, he created all kinds of landmarks, formed all kinds of paths, and beat up all kinds of baddies. Once he got all five of the music boxes like he was supposed to, he returned to the Hidden Figure to release his power. The ex-god congratulated Wario for his "wonderful work", then asked that he perform the final spell. All five music boxes really combine for one beautiful song. Once the incantation was complete, the place started to cave in on itself. In a panic, Wario started to run around in circles, flailing his arms. He settled down, though, once it calmed down. The dust then cleared away to reveal, to his great surprise, some sort of giant, ugly, demonic clown (named Rudy). The whole time, Wario was played for a sap! The big climax ensued and the two men fought to the death. Despite all of the drama that was thrown in, Rudy didn't die; sure, there was one huge explosion of sparkly stars and whatnot, but that wasn't the end of him; he had yet to return.

 

The magic dust returned all the monsters that Wario had faced before back into their original forms: Humans! Once that was all over with, they gathered around and told Wario the true story behind the evil clown: It was once a peaceful world until he arrived. They tried fighting back, but in the end, neither side really won. The least they could do was seal his powers away into five separate music boxes, never to be spoken of again. But with Rudy's last ounce of strength, he transformed them all into strange creatures. The whole time, they were attacking Wario in desperate attempts to prevent him from unleashing the horrid evil. But everything turned out okay, and Wario was free to leave with all the treasures he got in the process. Yet another day in the wacky world of Wario.

 

#21 Dr. M64

Like I said before, Rudy wasn't through with Wario yet. He had a comeback all planned out. It would involve him, his faithful sidekick, Mad Scienstein, his old enemy, Wario, and the holder of the Mega-vitamins, Dr. Mario. Now, at first, I wasn't so sure if it would have been right to include this game on the timeline since Mario's being a doctor as well as a plumber is enough to baffle anyone. But then again, I remembered how Marios tend to all look alike and share the same last name. That's right: Mario and Dr. Mario are two and completely different. The case was closed.

 

I figured #21 was the appropriate slot for the game since WL2 was the return of Captain Syrup, hence making it the sequel to SML3WL, and this game was the return of Rudy, the clown, hence making it the sequel to WL3. It all adds up.

 

Another important thing you should know, though, is how this whole ordeal ended. While Wario was beating up poor, old Mad Scienstein, Dr. Mario was handing one of his custom-patented Mega-vitamins over to the evil clown, since he had recently come down with the flu. The Doctor was such a miracle-worker that, not only was his flu cured, but also was the evil that poisoned his mind for so many years. Good for him.

 

#22 WL4

The next adventure that ensued was one that took place in some sort of legendary golden pyramid deep within the jungle. Inside, Wario met all kinds of demons trying to get in his way. The biggest of them all was an anti-goddess named Golden Diva. It was quite a showdown that erupted between the two of them. In the end, Wario pummeled her to oblivion, and made it out alive with all twelve of the pyramid's special treasures, as well as the other four. Just like in WL3, it all ended with the place coming down in a cave-in. He, the professor, and the black cat just barely managed to make it out alive. Once out there, something miraculous happened: The four treasures, that Wario worked ever-so-hard for, flew out of nowhere and merged with the cat. They transformed into a beautiful young princess named Shokora. To express her gratitude, she leaned forward and gave Wario a kiss on the cheek, much to the delight of Wario. She then stepped back to allow the cupids to take her back to the heavens. Wario couldn't help but sit back and watch the show. Once it all sunk in, Wario then decided to call it a day and head on back with all of his treasures. Little did he know that yet another adventure was just around the corner.

 

Waluigi was making good progress. After getting on his side the Returns of Petey Piranha, King Boo, Gooper Blooper, Eely, and Wiggler, he then took his travels to the depths of Dinosaur Land, like in SMW. With each passing day, the moon waned a little more full.

 

#23 WWr

A prologue goes with this one: Once upon a time, there was an anti-god. This anti-god took on the form of a hideous black jewel, hence the name. It's power was the ability to feed on the negative energy of all the selfish people out there and transform their worldly possessions into bizarre parallel universes and evil spirits. Just before all hope was lost, the legendary Spritelings of the Sacred Forest stepped in to put a stop to all of the madness. They used their powers of holiness to trap the foul demon's body deep within the tomb of their temple, and the Black Jewel was never heard from again.

 

Ages later, Wario raided that very temple and came back victorious (or so he thought). Once the Black Jewel awoke, the whole thing started back up again. That time, Wario was forced to go through his own castle in search of every last puzzle piece required in order to fix everything, even though the Black Jewel performed quite a number on his home, what with transforming it into an alternate dimension and all. He faced many, many monsters, each of which were once one of his cherished treasures. Twelve of which were the ones he stole from that one pyramid, and were thus transformed into boss monsters for him to face. With a little help from the little Spritelings, Wario managed to pull through and smash the Black Jewel into powder, so it wouldn't ever be able to cause any more trouble. To thank Wario, the Spritelings got together to put on the final spell: One that would restore his castle back to the way it was. The Spritelings kept their promise, and Wario won back his glorious castle (much obliged).

 

#24 WWI

Shortly after the Black Jewel-incident, Wario got caught up with the news again. This time, they had to offer him the fact that video games sell. So Wario retired from his old job as an infamous treasure-hunter so he could get working on making tons and tons of video games. He started his own business called "Wario Ware Inc.", and the adventure this took him on forced him to team up with all of his old buddies against an army of the living dead.

 

Whatever it was that Wario was up to, it didn't seem to affect the progress of Waluigi. Once the moon was finally full, the two brothers finally met back up with each other. While Wario managed to get for himself a country called Wario Land and a huge castle of solid gold, all Waluigi could get was that one island just off the coast of the Vanilla Dome and a gorgeous mansion. Despite everything, it still wasn't enough to impress Wario. Wario won the bet, and so, ever since, Waluigi has been the slave of Wario.

 

#25 SMB2

At last, those pendants I brought up earlier came into play. One fateful Friday the Thirteenth, Twelve O' Clock at mid-night, they each opened up their own Cyclops-like eyes to emit their unholy beams into the foreheads of our heroes. Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Peach awoke to find themselves on a far-off moon. A faint voice from the distance informed them of Wart, the frog who hates vegetables, and how it was up to them to save the day. Remembering Wart as the guy who once worked for Tatanga, the quartet agreed and set forth on their dangerous mission through Sub-con.

 

Along the way, they beat up all kinds of minions, from egg-spitting dinosaurs to possessed masks, right down to the very frog himself. Ironically, the very Dream Machine itself was on their side in the end and they used it against Wart's will. He died of vegetable-poisoning, and was dragged off by the angry mob. They freed the Eight Sub-Spirits and were rewarded greatly. The heroes would have then returned to their rightful world, but Wart had them deceived: With his last ounce of strength, he managed to lay a curse upon Mario and his friends. They would awake only to find that the nightmare was still not quite over.

 

#26 MTM, MIM, WLVB, MC

Wart's spell was a doozy. The good guys were quite overjoyed when they finally awoke from them to be free from the torment. Mario dreamed he had to go on a time-traveling spree to save Earth. Luigi dreamed he had to rescue Mario all over again, Toad dreamed he was the final boss in a game called WLVB, and Peach dreamed she was but one of the many audience members watching Mario duking it out with a bunch of monsters in a tower called "Clash". They survived the purgatories, though, and from that morning on, everything was okay.

 

#27 DKR, MK, MK64, MKSC, MKDD, MDT, MT, MG, MGTT, and MP1, 2, 3, 4, and 5

Well, what else were they to do? The bad guys had all disappeared. Bowser and Mario had called a truce with each other ever since that one fiasco with the Smithy Gang, Exor was gone for good, so were the aliens Tito, Tatanga, and Wart, so noone was going to avenge them; the "Wario Bros." were back in action, Captain Syrup had mysteriously disappeared, Rudy had crossed over to the good side, Golden Diva was burning in hell, the Black Jewel was gone for good, and the Boneheads were to never cause anyone anymore problems again. What else were they to do?

What ensued afterwards was the biggest reunion to ever occur in the Mario universe. After such a long time, Bowser finally returned from his search for Kammy and the Seven Koopalings. Unfortunately, none of them showed up. He did, however, manage to find a girl that actually liked him: Clawdia. Together, they made a bunch of Koopaling-replacements called the Baby Bowsers (ah, man). This was also when Yoshi and Birdo first met, the lucky couple. Everyone showed up: Harry, Charlie, Maple, Plum, Sonny, Koopa Troopa, Para Troopa, Donkey Kong Jr., Shy Guy, Metal Mario, Boo, King Boo, Petey Piranha, Wario, and Waluigi; you name it. Even the Mario Nephews showed up. But, for some reason, whenever they played, they would go by the player names, "Baby Mario" and "Baby Luigi" (don't ask).

 

Yes, this was when all those crazy Mario Kart, Mario Golf, and Mario Tennis games, etc., occurred. I imagine that so far, this is what they're all up to. They're just sitting back and having a good time.

 

And that's that. It took me practically a million years to figure out, but that's definitely how it all went down. Of course, in the future, they'll just introduce to us even more games that will contradict just about everything I just said, but hey, I'll manage.